Hump Day and the Fail-Safe

I usually reserve hump day as a day to find someone to hump for the weekend. Unfortunately this hump day I struck out. It happens from time to time. So I’m forced to go back to the “dirty water well”. Yes my friends, the bar. It’s a good place to meet girls if you just need your pipes cleaned out, not a good place for relationships.
I never understood why a guy would want to take his girl to the bar. It’s like taking a baby pit bull to Michael Vick’s house. You’ll go in together, might leave separate….and hating each other. Bars are meant for one thing only, hooking up. If your not hooking up you must be (a) smelly or (b) horribly deformed.
Usually at the bar you want to find a particular herd of women. The really loud ones, the really silly ones, and the ones who have a ton of empty glasses on there table. This group is known to partake in a activity that questions fidelity…”girl’s night out!” These women aren’t there to unwind, they can do that perfectly well in the privacy of there own home. They come out cause they WANT to be hit on. They WANT attention. They WANT to wake up with their make-up still on and sneak out of a strange house with their heels in their hand and their underwear in there purse. On a rare night, these “girl’s night out” participants may all get laid. Which is good because then they can bond over flapjacks at IHOP and compare stories, like on sex in the city.
Although the bar is not the place for people ready to settle down and meet someone, it is a great place to experience life, No night at the bar is the same. All the shameful things you did at the bar will make a great story one day, if you remember it at all.