“Amanda” and Kirstie Allie’s Big life

Amanda is my first date after my break-up. Surprisingly it didn’t take very long to jump back in the pond, which baffles me. Do girls not play hard to get anymore? Do you no longer have to ask them 8 times until they give up and give you a “pity date”? Either there’s some sort of shortage on people who talk to other people outside social networking or the P.Diddy cologne really works.
I saw “Amanda” smoking outside the goodwill store. Not that I’m prejudice against girls who hang-out at the goodwill store but usually they have 3 kids under the age of 7 or they’ve had a STD or a DUI in some point in there life. Don’t get cross with me, it’s just statistics. But “Amanda” looked pretty clean to me. She’d already burned through half of her cigarette so I had to come up with some reason to start some kind of conversation. I could have asked for a light but I had nothing to light. Well, I did but I heard it’s illegal to light up the “sticky-icky” in public. As I got closer, every scenario I could think of was so absurd I decided to just go with the truth, ‘Hi, I think your very pretty and you look hungry so let me take you out to dinner’. They way she looked at me you would’ve thought a killed a baby rabbit right in front of her. As I waited for the rejection part of this ordeal she put out her cigarette, crossed her arms and said ‘Ok, but I only eat at (insert really expensive restaurant here)’ I almost said Damn bitch, youse out yo’ mind! But as I said before, she was hot! And it was hot! A trickle of sweat dripped down her cleavage which caused my “auto-male” to kick in. ’OK! Let me get your number. We exchanged numbers and all I could think of was what monthly bill could I sacrifice to pay for this dinner.
Speaking of food, has anyone seen this show called Kirstie Allie’s big life. That poor, happy chubby woman. That’s right, I said chubby, not fat. I’ve seen way fatter. She always seem in good spirits and she’s working hard to lose the weight while balancing a hectic life with work and kids. Actually, she’s a great person, and I’d hit that, in a second. She has a great pair of eyes, she has her own money and I bet she doesn’t bitch and moan every five fucking minutes about body parts of hers that are perfect but SHE just wants to hear it from you. Kirstie Allie, if this Amanda thing doesn’t work out give me a call.
Well it’s almost time for this date. Wish me well.