How to Escape a Second Date

Well, finally after days of waiting, I took “Amanda” out. Beautiful, slender, attractive “Amanda”. Obviously trusting “Amanda” also. She let me pick her up at her house, she invited me in for a quick drink and she let me drive. Of course I fully expected to drive but there’s nothing more boosting to the male ego than a girl who just gets in the car. As we drove to the restaurant, a very popular rap song played on the radio. “Amanda” doesn’t look like much of a rap fan but she started dancing in her seat anyway. She said she never heard the song but she like it. Nothing is sexier than a girl that you feel your culturing. Playful “Amanda”, your giving me butterflies.
Now, I always expect to pay on the first date. Many women expect it to. However, he’s a little etiquette lesson for single ladies. DON’T ORDER THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING ON THE MENU! I mean reaaaally? And the thing that really burned me up was not just a expensive entrée, but a expensive appetizer, expensive drink, expensive dessert. Here she is chowing down on lobster bisque, on my dime, and I’m eating 2 tomato slices and a leaf of lettuce. We both could have ordered moderately price dishes but, nope. Plus I hate having to train a girl. When there playing wedding, this lesson should also be included.
When I first met “Amanda” I thought she was pretty articulate. Turns out not only was she a ditz, but a rambling ditz. On, and on about fake nails she brought at the flea market, some Miley Cyrus video of her apparently jerking off some gay guy with her butt, and (UGH) twitter. Does anyone read books anymore?
After desert (some kind of flaming Crème Brule and sponge cake volcano) I nearly threw her in the car to take her home. I’m usually a safe drive but, I almost hit 2 parked cars and some poor underage drunk college students leaving taco bell. Just the thought of me killing of maiming someone took at least 3 years off my life. I guess this is why women live longer than men, they put men in situations for them to have heart attacks. I walked her to the door “I had a really great time, I hope we can go out again!” Here’s how to escape a second date. Two words “I’m married…” Yes you will be smacked, maybe even spit on but you’ll also be something else, successful. The really bad thing…that smack and spit was the less painful part of the whole night. Well, I got my feet wet, but dating is not like riding a bike. Dating is more like picking through the ½ off priced produce at the supermarket, you’ll get some bruised, over handled fruit but there has to be something in the basket, it HAS to be right?